Monday, September 25, 2006

Call to prayer

Please pray for my car! Today I need help from my fellow Christians!

Ultra-leftist sabs (when I find out who you are liberals you will have a short and painful meeting with the end of a bullet!) have destroyed my car!

Working in night time and in silence they have contrived to alter the perfect American engineering of my engine, cracking open the gear box and causing the gear oil to spill in great rivers upon the ground.

Normally I would be confident that fine American engineering can fix it, but I fear perhaps these terrorists have gone too far! The mechanic did look gravely upon it, sore vexed and shake his head. I fear it will cost too much for it to be worth fixing and must be dumped in the sea.


Please mention my motor in your prayers this evening.

"Dear God,

Your servant Sam Johnston needs his gears fixed. Please see to it that in the morning when he returns to see your fine American engineer it starts straight away, the transmission is as smooth as an ice sundae and the bill is kept low so he can keep on investing his money into the world's greatest economy, thus helping our troops do Your work in Iraq.

Thank you LORD.


P.S. Please kill Michael Moore too."


Anonymous Tristan J. Shuddery said...

What a humbling and touching prayer. You are a true man of fiath, and that is why God is sure to answer your prayer.

Miracles happen every day, but I think you need more people praying for your vehicle? How about we set up a special prayer alert?

3:30 pm  
Blogger Samuel Luke Johnston said...

Yes! Please do set up a prayer alert. That should certainly solve the problem.

Thank you Tristan. And thank you LORD (in advance!)

4:22 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sam, my old friend.
Everything will work out fine. God will not leave you hanging!

4:59 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you ignorant fool! how dare you wish for a low bill with the excuse that you want to invest the money into our glorious economy! a high bill IS an investment into the great american economy.
i bet you just want to spend the surplus on some drug to see talking goats again

8:43 pm  
Blogger Samuel Luke Johnston said...

A high bill is an investment to the dumb rednecks who run my local garage. they would just spend the money on moonshine and incest.
Don't talk of what you do not know, anon.

9:01 am  
Blogger fellista said...

system is guaranteed to give you the result you want. Just get it and

2:08 pm  
Blogger sevenvoices said...

If you were a wee bit smarter you could fix that yourself. Well... I guess you deserve your own stupidity.

(This post proudly made from SuSE Linux Enterprise Desktop)

5:10 am  
Anonymous Brittany said...

This is so completely insane I can't even tell if it's legitimate or some huge joke. And I was reading about're angry because she was RECYCLING! Oh. My. God. You absolutely disgust me.

9:57 am  
Anonymous Brittany said...

And *why* would you think God cares about your car!!??

10:25 am  
Blogger Samuel Luke Johnston said...

God did care Brittany. He fixed it. Think about that. Think hard.

Kathy is a bad girl. She brings shame on her family. I worry that she will go to hell (and jail too at the rate she's going!)

5:30 pm  

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